Sources of Conflict

• Discussion of Dr. Kenneth Cloke’s ten reasons why couples remain in conflict
• Common sources of conflict during the divorce process.

What Parents Can Do

• Telling the Children
       o Establishing appropriate boundaries between child related and adult related issues
       o Focus on feelings, not facts
• Reassurance
       o Divorce is the action of the parents and not a result of child’s behaviors
       o Children are loved by both parents
       o Parental commitment to sustaining a close loving relationship with the child
• Consistency
       o Child’s life is changing; the family is changing; The impact of changes on the child
       o Even in the midst of significant change (parents living apart, change in living situation) parents may be able to keep daily routines the same for the child
• Introduction of new relationships and blending families
       o Significance for the child and ex-spouse
       o Challenges in blending families including: competition for parent’s time, energy, and affection; creation of a new family culture; experience of family expansion and contraction; ambivalence of children to attach to new person; and roles related to authority and discipline
• Encouragement
       o Supporting the child to remain engaged in school and activities
       o Supporting the child’s relationship with other parent and extended family
• Emotional Security
       o Strategies for promoting child’s emotional security
       o Refraining from overburdening child with adult details about the divorce, financial security, etc.
• Honesty
       o Children’s fantasy that parents will reunite
       o Honesty with self (balancing needs of self with needs of children)
• Advocacy
       o Tips on advocating for your child with teachers, coaches, other adult caretakers
• Safety
       o Priority understanding between parents on how the child will be kept safe during each other’s caretaking time
• Taking Care of Oneself
       o Discussing with parents the importance of their finding ways to take care of themselves in order to be effective in their parenting roles
       o Relationship of taking care of self to factors impacting outcomes for children during the divorce process

Tips for Successful Parenting Apart

• Presentation of considerations related to parallel and cooperative parenting approaches
• Specific strategies parents may use to ease challenges of transitions and visitation schedule, to engage in difficult discussions with an ex-spouse, and remaining mindful of conducting negotiations with children’s best interest as a priority

Strategies for Working with an Ex-Spouse who is Uncooperative, Manipulative, Dishonest

Parental and Child Pitfalls

When Do You Need To Worry About Your Child or Yourself?

• Presentation of indicators of stress for adults and children
• Discussion about recognizing when parents should seek professional support or assistance for their child or themselves
• Accessing available resources and supports

Signs of Positive Adjustment